He Had Compassion

I have a few other things I want to blog about and will get to those, hopefully, in the next week or so. But this morning, I wanted to share briefly what I read during my devotions this morning.

I have been reading through Genesis lately, but today I decided to read in Matthew. Our pastor is currently working through Matthew. I've been learning lots & am trying not to ignore the challenges our pastor gives us!

Matthew 9:36

"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."

We know from reading through the four gospels that Jesus was constantly bombarded with people. They wanted to be healed, to learn more about His teachings and just simply to be near Him. Jesus had compassion on the crowds of people. He didn't see them as being annoying people invading His space, or as ignorant people. Jesus saw the crowds of people as helpless (physically & spiritually).

Then I asked myself the question: how do I look at people when they're surrounding me, demanding me of my time, etc. Sounds like those "people" are my kids! I tend to get uptight & shoo them away when they are nagging, pestering, invading my space. When I get hungry, tired or busy, I like to have my space (both physically & mentally). It frustrates me when I have to repeatedly tend to my kids (usually for the same things over & over & over...) & all I want to do is be in my own little world.

That's when verse 36 really made sense to me - Jesus had compassion on the crowds of people because they were like a sheep without a shepherd. Surely I could try to have compassion on my kids when they crowd around me and when they continuously crowd my thoughts.

Lord, help me to have compassion on my kids & to not shoo them away. And help me to have compassion on others you bring across my path, to see them with Your eyes - to see them as helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Amen.

Treasure

It's been quite some time since I've shared my thoughts about what I'm learning from God, but today I feel compelled to share.

I've been processing some things lately (and still am to be honest), but I think I've been getting somewhere with the processing. Yesterday's sermon certainly helped. Our pastor is working through Matthew right now and spoke on Matthew 6:19-21 yesterday.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where our treasure is, there your heart will be also" Matthew 6:19-21.

These verses really struck a chord in my heart. There are some areas in my life where I realized I am not focussing on the eternal treasure like I should. Thankfully, God is patient and gracious. I know that as I wrestle through these areas and allow God to refocus my attention towards Him that He will not let me down. I am confident that God, who has begun a good work in me, will continue to work in me until the day of completion, the day of Jesus' return (Philippians 1:6).

Saying Good-Bye

I've never really had a difficult time saying good-bye. When close high school friends moved away I told them "See you later" rather than "good-bye".

When I left my "family" in France after being a nanny for one year, I gave hugs and said good-bye. I'm sure there was a tear or two that I wiped away, but no full out crying. I was too excited to be returning home.

When I leave my kids or husband for the evening or weekend, I give a hug & run! Yay! Freedom! I know that I love them with all my heart and if anything ever happened to them that was permanent, I would be devastated. I guess I know that (most likely - God willing) I will be seeing them again soon.

Today I am saying good-bye to a precious little boy who has really touched my heart and I've already had one cry about it! Why?! Is it because he's just so darn cute & hasn't reached the "terrible two's" yet? Is it because he has been living with his Grandma & uncles this past 13+ months because his Mom & Dad haven't been able to care for him? Is it because I know he's being returned to his Mom's today and the living standards in his new home are going to be very different than mine or his Grandma's? Is it because I see the sense of loss in his Grandma's eyes as she knows she must surrender him back to his Mom? Is it because I know my kids will miss him & his silly antics?

After my little cry this morning, I put the kids' music on; how fitting! They are listening to the "Music Machine" CD these days. The songs on the fruit of the Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness & Self-control - were very fitting. Once again, God used just the right thing to calm my spirit.

Learning

These past couple of weeks I have been seriously contemplating taking a big step in order to increase the amount of income I bring in. Monday evening I attended a meeting so I could get a feel for things before I make a commitment.

I really want to do this venture. Jeremy has concerns but is willing for me to give it a trial run to see how things go. Everything has been falling into place. I even filled out an Application/Agreement form.

I hadn't faxed it in yet to make it official. Somewhere in my heart, quite near the surface to be exact, was this uneasiness. I had asked God what He thought about me taking on this new venture but quickly ended my prayer, not really waiting for an answer. Because I am so excited about this I was scared that God would say "NO". Of course, in not waiting for His answer I also missed out on hearing if His answer was "YES". To me, on paper this looked like a no-brainer, but I knew I still didn't have an answer from God. And one of the things I've learned these past several months is that just because something looks good on paper doesn't mean it's the best thing.

I was going to fax off my application a couple of days ago, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Something else I've learned over these past several months is that the time I spend with God on a daily basis (at least I really try to make it daily) is very precious to me; the time I spend reading the Bible seems to be closely connected with whether my spirit is at peace or not.

Tuesday afternoon I saw my Bible sitting next to our laptop. I knew I needed to spend time reading God's words - even if it is just about the Israelites and how they have turned away from God yet again. Funny how this scenario is repeated over and over again, but I keep learning from them! So, I took a lawn chair, my Bible and journal out to the back yard (in the shade - the shade is my friend) and sat down to see what God had to say to me.

I must pause here for a moment and say how thankful I am that during the time I was reading my Bible the kids were quite well-behaved. I still had to get up to take care of things here and there (and was slightly distracted by a mom desperately trying to raise her child - see Tuesday's post), but overall, my kids weren't squabbling or misbehaving! That in itself is a small miracle!

Anyways, I continued reading where I had left off - Amos 5 (click here to read the chapter). At times I quite enjoy reading the books from the Old Testament, but sometimes I just want to quit and move onto the New Testament. But for the time being, I am sticking with the Israelites. I started reading chapter 5 and came across this verse, "This is what the LORD says to the house of Israel: 'Seek me and live;...'" (verse 4). That seemed to speak to me. Here I am wondering if I should start this new financial endeavor and the words that speak to me are "Seek me and live". Hmmm. What does this mean in my situation? Is God trying to tell me something through this?

Then I read verses 21 - 23:

"I hate, I despise your religious feasts; I cannot stand your assemblies. Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them. Though you bring choice fellowship offerings, I will have no regard for them. Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps."

Now I don't claim in any way to know deep theological truths, especially from the Old Testament. The things that stood out to me may be completely out of context, so I can only hope that I am not misguiding anyone with what I learned the other day. When I read Amos 5:21-23, those verses made me stop and think. God is speaking to the Israelites. They have been making sacrifices to Him along with all the pagan rituals they have adopted. God is saying to His chosen people that He cares more about their heart attitude than He does about their religious rituals. The Isrealites were offering sacrifices to Him, as He had taught them so many years before, but they meant nothing to God because of their heart. They weren't focused solely on Him, forsaking all the other religions, worshiping only the one true God; they were doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that. God hates this kind of behavior. God really is a jealous God. He created us to worship HIM, not other things or people.

The rest of chapter 5 (verses 25-27) is God reminding the Israelites about the 40 years they spent wandering in the desert and how they brought sacrifices and offerings to Him but they also worshiped other idols made by their own hands, therefore not honoring the LORD.

My heart was beginning to feel more at peace about this endeavor but I wanted to take some more time to hear from God. So yesterday I read chapter 6 (click here to read the chapter). The chapter starts out very strong: "Woe to you who are complacent in Zion, and to you who feel secure on Mount Samaria, you notable men of the foremost nation, to whom the people of Israel come!" That's pretty strong!

I realize this post is getting lengthy so I'll summarize the rest of what I learned yesterday morning. God lists the disobedient things the Israelites are doing (v. 3-6) and tells them what will happen to them (v. 7). The rest of the chapter the LORD says that they are rejoicing over nothing; they had empty praises. Also, the Israelites were praising themselves for defeating a strong city, but in reality, whenever they defeated an enemy, it was God that made it possible (v. 12,13).

So what did I learn from all this? Check back tomorrow to find out!

Taking My Own Advice

Have you ever overheard someone who was totally oblivious to those around them? Have you ever thought to yourself, "Is that what I sound like when I forget others can hear me?"


I had that experience today and I must say it was a humbling experience. I could hear myself in this struggling mom as she attempted to be in charge of her child. I sat there wanting to offer parenting tips over the fence.


The longer the situation took, the more I realized I have done the same thing with my children. And as I was listening to the very frustrated mom, my head seemed to "have all the answers". The problem is, when I'm in the midst of a situation with my children I don't always remember those great parenting tips! Funny how all logic can slip out the window when you are under pressure.


While hearing this woman struggle to wrap up the situation, I made a mental note to remember this situation the next time I am in her shoes. Perhaps a lot of my parenting frustrations would be relieved if I would only adhere my advice!

I Will Walk By Faith

This morning we joined the thousands of other Christians in North America and went to church. This is still new for us to attend church on Sunday morning. The church we've been attending for the past 12 years has met Saturday nights for about nine years now, so getting up early Sunday mornings is still new for us!

I've been struggling this past week with being able to let go of our church family. I am confident in the fact that God has called our family on a different path than them. I don't question that at all, but despite that confidence it hasn't made it any easier for me to emotionally let go and open up to a new group of people, a new family.

This morning we attended the same church as last weekend. In some ways it was nice to have that familiarity rather than attending a different church every Sunday. As I sat down, waiting for the service to begin, my heart was still not ready to "make the switch". Yesterday as I was doing my bible reading, I prayed that God would speak to me in some way. Nothing of significance jumped out at me. This morning, one of the songs during the worship time spoke to my heart. It was a song by Jeremy Camp called "Walk by Faith", from the album "Stay". These are the words that spoke to my heart (for the full lyrics, click here):

Will I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way?
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day?

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

How perfect are those words?! "Will I believe You when You say, Your hand will guide my every way?" At that moment, I realized that even though I trusted God to take our family on another path, I wasn't FULLY trusting Him. I kept thinking, "maybe things will change, maybe things will go back to how they used to be...". Remember, I am the person who does not like change! Reading those lyrics on the screen this morning made me stop and write them in my journal.

After the service as we were visiting with people, one of the men commented to Jeremy and I that although they are more than happy to have us visiting their church, the last thing he wants is us to feel pressure to join. Somehow, that struck a chord within my heart. Tears welled up in my eyes. I can't really explain it but God used this man's words to help me feel at peace about where we are on our journey. I don't know if this will be our new church family, but I now have peace that this road we're on, broken or confusing, is part of the process of God revealing His will for our lives.

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Thankful Thursday

It's Thursday again, which in the blogging world means it's Thankful Thursday. I've been having a difficult time finding things to be thankful for that I can't or don't quickly dismiss with negativity. But after spending some time with God things are getting better.

I finished the book of Hosea today! I get excited when I finish reading a book of the bible. It's a sense of accomplishment; something I struggle with - accomplishing things!

Anyway! I over the past several months, I have been reading through some Old Testament books. I find that the more I read these books, the more I gain a better understanding of the relationship between God and Israel, which in turn gives me a better understanding of my relationship with God. So many times the Israelites complained and God supplied their needs; they wanted idols like the surrounding nations so they built them; they wanted kings and princes like the other nations so God gave them their desires:

"Where is your king, that he may save you? Where are your rulers in all your towns, of whom you said, 'Give me a king and princes'? So in my anger I gave you a king, and in my wrath I took him away" Hosea 13:10,11.

I looked back at all the times I've been selfish, complained, and stomped my foot at God. I thought back over the years about how I struggled to feel close to God. I would have times of closeness (often during the height of a trial), but after the trial subsided, I would grow distant from God again. Then I would feel guilty about not maintaining my relationship with Christ. It really is a terrible roller coaster ride. Thankfully, last fall I really grasped the understanding that God isn't standing there ready to punish me for all my shortcomings and disobedience. That doesn't mean there aren't consequences for our actions (or lack thereof). But what I realized this past fall is that God is simply waiting for me with open arms, wanting me to see His love for me.

If you don't know, the the first three chapters of Hosea are a beautiful illustration of how God instructs the prophet Hosea to take back his adulterous wife, over and over again. God uses this relationship to parallel His relationship with Israel. Chapters 4 through 13 describe God's warning, judgement and punishment for Israel because of their disobedience, with the exception of chapter 11. Tucked nicely amongst all the "doom and gloom" chapter 11 describes God's never-ending love for Israel.

"How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel?...My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused. I will not carry out my fierce anger, nor devastate Ephraim again. For I am God, and not man - the Holy One among you. I will not come in wrath" Hosea 11:8,9.

The book ends with chapter 14, a chapter about repentance bringing a blessing to the God's chosen people.

"Take words with you and return to the LORD. Say to him: 'Forgive all our sins and receive us graciously, that we may offer the fruit of our lips'" Hosea 14:2.

Then there is God's response to their repentance:

"I will heal their waywardness and love them freely, my anger has turned away from them" Hosea 14:4.

This is the verse that really struck me this morning. I love that part: "and love them freely". Freely; without reservation; without traces of bitterness, resentment or anger. Love them FREELY! That is how God loves me (and you!)! Despite all the times I fail Him, He loves me with a pure love - no bitterness, resentment or attitude; FREELY! No matter what I've done or will do in the future, God loves me. Yes, I still need to deal with the consequences of my actions, and no, this doesn't mean that my life will be easy. But it means that God loves me despite my shortcomings. There is a freedom in that for me.

So, today I am thankful for God's free love for me! I'd love to hear what are you thankful for. Just leave a comment and let's praise God together! To share in Thankful Thursday, visit Iris at Sting My Heart.

The Power of Jesus Christ!

As I've already mentioned in the previous two posts, we attended church with our friends Barton & Heather where Barton is the pastor.

Jeremy and I were blessed to be able to hear Barton preach the Word of God this morning. It has been quite some time since we've heard preaching like this. I said to Heather afterwards that for me it was like I knew that I was thirsty for hearing Jesus Christ preached but didn't realize how thirsty I was until I heard the sermon this morning.

Over the past number of months, God has been reviving in Jeremy and I a thirst and hunger for a deeper knowledge of Jesus Christ. It has been an exciting journey. There have definately been struggles along the way but seeing the passion inside me grow stronger makes it easier to accept the bumps and potholes of life. Besides, we learn so much from the hard times.

God is good and God is gracious. He doesn't want to teach us from just hardships, He wants to also teach us from exciting times too. This morning was one of those times.

Our friend, Barton, began a new 8-week series this morning on Ephesians 6:10-18. My first thought was how will he preach on eight verses in an eight-week time frame? But after listening to him this morning, I think the question is answered; he takes each verse and really digs deep.

I thought I would share the notes I took this morning with you. Hopefully they make sense and aren't too choppy. Also, any emphasis with the Bible verses has been added by me.

"(10)Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. (11)Put on the whole armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. (12)For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (13)Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. (14)Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, (15)and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. (16)In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. (17)Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (18)And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints" (Ephesians 6:10-18).

This passage can be broken down into three parts:

1. The Admonition (v. 10-11)
2. The Adversary (v. 12)
3. The Armor (v. 14-18)

In order to first determine that there even is an adversary, Barton switched the parts around and spoke first on the adversary rather than the admonition.

There is an enemy that is always ready to attack us in our every day lives (in our marriages, through gossip, with our spiritual walk, in our ministry, at work...). But we can withstand the enemy. This is a winnable war!

We need to know who the the adversary is because the war he wages is fierce and subtle. Our adversary isn't just other people who irritate us, slander us, etc. They play a minor part, but our true adversary is the devil and his army of evil beings. When Jesus explained to His disciples that He had to suffer, die and then raise again on the third day, Peter began to rebuke Jesus by saying, "Never, Lord! This shall never happen to you!" (Matthew 16:22). Peter was the one actually speaking the words but it was Satan that was giving the words/thoughts to Peter. Jesus responded by saying, "Out of my sight, Satan!..." (v. 23). Jesus knew that Satan was behind Peter's words, trying to stop God's plan, that's why Jesus didn't respond by saying "Out of my sight, Peter". Everyone is responsible for their own words and actions but we need to recognize that Satan is working "behind the scenes".

Next we need to know the characteristics of our adversary so we can recognize him and withstand him. So often we try to fight the enemy with flip flop sandals on! We are not properly equipped to attack the enemy or defend ourselves.

1. Satan is powerful (v.12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."). God is all-powerful and all-knowing; Satan is limited. He can only do what God allows him to do, Satan is like a dog on a chain. Yes, Satan is powerful, but he is limited.
2. Satan is wicked (v. 12 "...the powers of this dark world...the spiritual forces of evil").
3. Satan is cunning (v. 11 "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.") It took only three questions to get Eve to sin and he didn't even have to ask Adam any questions, he just went through Eve.

Because Satan is so cunning, wicked and powerful, we need to know the power we have in Jesus Christ. It is only in knowing and using the power we have through Jesus Christ that we can defeat Satan.

We need to know the objective of our Adversary. Why does Satan want to be so evil? John paints a picture for us through his vision in Revelations 12. A woman (v.1)(Mary, the mother of Jesus) is about to give birth. An enormous red dragon (12:3) (Satan) stands in front of the woman so that he might devour the child (Jesus) the moment it is born (v.4). The woman gave birth to a son and he was instantly taken up to God and to his throne (v.5). "And there was war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. The great dragon was hurled down..." to the earth(v. 7-9). Chapter twelve finishes up with verse 17, "Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to make war against the rest of her offspring - those who obey God's commandments and hold to the testimony of Jesus." The devil cannot fulfill his plan and destroy Jesus. He has certainly tried (Matthew 4:1-11, Satan tried to tempt Jesus after Jesus had fasted for 40 days and nights in the desert). Satan cannot win because Jesus has already won the war, so Satan is going after Jesus' followers. Satan's objective is to harm Jesus by harming Jesus' people.

We need to know how to conquer our adversary. Christians fight from a position of victory because Jesus has won the decisive battle against Satan.

"When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross" Colossians 2:13-15.

When Jesus died on the cross and rose again, He "made a public spectacle"(v.15) of the adversaries and triumphed over them! The only way to conquer Satan is with scripture. When Jesus was tempted by Satan in the wilderness, He defeated Satan by quoting scripture. The only way we can be ready for battle at all times is to memorize scripture. Earlier this year I began memorizing verses and for various reasons (all of which seem rather empty now) I stopped. I would like to start memorizing verses again because I know how much it helped me last time. Today's sermon was an excellent reminder that we are facing a spiritual battle every day - the only way to win those battles is by the power of Jesus Christ and God's Words.

Barton ended by asking the question, "whose side are you on?" There are only two sides: Jesus' and Satan's. You can only be on one side. It's up to you to choose.

The church service ended this morning by singing the old, but powerful hymn, "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God". (Click here for the words and music.)

Faith Lifts is Back!

The daily devotionals, Faith Lifts from 5 Minutes for Mom, is back up and running! It has been on hiatus for the past couple months as it was waiting for some new people to fill in the gaps. I read today's devotional, the first official one since starting up again, and I have already been challenged.

Today's devotional, "Waiting on the Lord", is about beginning our day with God (click here to read this post). While reading it, I was encouraged to try BEGINNING my day with God. That doesn't mean waiting until 11am when kids are napping and the chaos of children playing has subsided, although that is a great time for me to do my devotions.

What I mean is to BEGIN my day with God before my feet even hit the floor! I know this will be challenging for me.

First, I don't like mornings, I never have! Before having kids, people would ask me when I was going to have a baby. I would quickly answer, "When I'm ready to give up sleeping in!" I have given up sleeping in (although I still try to on Sundays - I love Saturday night church!), but the thought of getting up any earlier than I need to is NOT appealing to me, to say the least.

Secondly, I don't often wake up until I hear a knock at my door announcing my day care kids arrival. Either that or I'm jumping out of bed to get Daniel ready for school.

So my plan for tomorrow (I'm taking this one day at a time) is to say a quick prayer for God to guide my day and to give me the strength and wisdom I need for the day, all before my feet hit the floor and I stumble down the hall to answer the door.

I believe that focusing on God FIRST will help me to be more aware of Him in my day, which in turn will help me be a better parent. I don't claim that I will have a perfect day - God doesn't promise that, but He DOES promise that He will meet all my needs ("And my God will meet all your needs..." Philippians 4:19) because His grace is sufficient for me ("My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12:9).

For me, this is something that will be quite difficult to accomplish, but with His strength I will try! I'll let you know how it goes!

Grace Like a Deer

Earlier this week, a friend shared some verses from Habakkuk on her blog. I love the passage these verses are in so I thought I'd share my thoughts on it with you!

I had the opportunity to study the book of Habakkuk a number of years back when I was at Capernwray Harbour Bible School & Conference Centre (of Torchbearers International). At the time I wasn't too interested in studying this book, but as I delved into the study I quickly changed my attitude. It has since then become probably my most favorite book of the Bible.

If I was to summarize the book of Habakkuk in one short sentence, it would be "God's faithfulness never changes". How amazing is that?!

The book starts out with the prophet Habakkuk complaining to the LORD (1:2). "How long, O LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?..." (Thank You, Lord, that even when it feels You are not listening, You ARE.) And the LORD answers the prophet by saying (1:5,6), "Look at the nations and watch - and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told. I am raising up the Babylonians, that ruthless and impetuous people...".

The prophet complains again (1:13), "Your eyes are too pure to look on evil; you cannot tolerate wrong. Why then do you tolerate the treacherous?..." (Thank You, Lord, that even though at times it feels like the hard times will never end, You know when they will end.) And again, the LORD answers Habakkuk (2:2,3), "Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets...For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay. ...". The LORD finishes up with some "Woe to him...'s".

Then comes chapter 3, my favorite chapter! Habakkuk responds to the LORD by saying (3:2), "LORD, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, O LORD. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy. ...". (I stand in awe of You, Jesus, because of Your mercy, grace and love for me!)

Then Habakkuk finishes up with the following verses. Every time I read these verses (16-19) it's as if there is a symphony in my head, playing softly at first, then with each statement, the music becomes louder, stronger, more celebratory, holding out and waiting for the final resounding note.

These verses are so exciting!

Habakkuk 3:16-19

"I heard and my heart pounded,
my lips quivered at the sound;
decay crept into my bones,
and my legs trembled.
Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity
to come on the nation invading us.
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights."

Did you hear it? The symphony?! Isn't it amazing?! Even though everything around me is in utter disarray, the crops have failed, the sheep and cattle are gone, "yet I will rejoice in the Lord"!

Shortly before I attending Capernwray, I was driving alone along a winding road. On one side of the road was a forest and on the other side was a steep rockface mountainside. As I was peacefully driving, a sudden thought broke my silence. "What if there is a deer ahead?"

Immediately I heeded the warning in my head and slowed down, becoming more aware of my surroundings. As I rounded the next corner, there in front of me was a deer, standing in the middle of the road! Because I had that "thought" and had listened to it, I was able to slow down enough before the deer pranced away up the mountainside.

A couple things struck me. First, WOW! God had warned me of a danger ahead! Thank you, Jesus!

Second, the way the deer turned and pranced up the mountainside was amazing. It was so graceful. With only a bound or two the deer was off the road and with another couple prances, it was out of sight. If I was to climb that mountainside I would be scared, slow-moving, grasping for the next place to cling on to. But this deer, without thought bounced, 1 - 2 - 3, and was gone! Such grace, such strength, and without hesitation.

"The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights."

Thank You, Jesus, for life experiences that help me better understand Your words in the Bible. Thank You that You are my strength and that I can depend on You, even when it feels everything around me is crumbling. Thank You for making my feet like those of a deer, enabling me to go on the difficult heights with grace.

Thankful Thursday

Today is "Thankful Thursday". I have never participated in it before, but today I have something I feel compelled to share. I first saw it at Heather's blog, "Mumblings of a Mommy 'Monk'", but I believe it originated at Iris' blog "Sting My Heart". If you want to participate in "Thankful Thursday", go to Iris' blog and leave your link on Mr. Linky. So here goes...!


I was reading a post by Heather at "Mumblings of a Mommy 'Monk'". I must say that this post was very good and I encourage you to read it! Click here to read this post. It's about the tone that mothers set for the home, based on the saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" Definately worth reading the post.

But back to my point. A few posts ago I wrote about "Joy???" and feeling like I didn't have it at the time. Since then, I have struggled to feel like I have joy.

I left a comment on Heather's blog because I was really able to relate to what she shared about moms setting the family tone. While I was leaving a comment, I quickly read through the other comments. A lady named Christin, of "As Gold Refined", left a comment that really spoke to me. Christin made a comment about the difference between joy and happiness. Here is part of what she said:

"Joy isn't the same thing as happiness. Happiness comes as a result of circumstances - joy remains no matter what your circumstances - you can be unhappy and still have joy. Joy is a promise from the Lord and it is obtainable - we just need to seek Him first. :) As we continue to do that, He will continue to mold us. We just need to remember to keep moving forward with our eyes on Him. :) Yes, we are certainly works in progress! And God promised to complete the work in us if we don't grow weary in doing good."

Although it was encouraging to read that explanation between the two, I still struggled to feel the joy. As much as I loved what Christin wrote, I felt that I still wasn't "getting it" with the whole "Joy" thing.

Well, last night, our church small group met. Instead of doing our regular routine, we spent the evening praying and having communion. We prayed for people in our church, whoever God put on our heart. We were able to get through quite a few people. Have you ever spent time praying in a group, and when you were finished praying no one spoke right away? That's how it was last night.

It was so good to spend that time, bringing people before our almighty, caring God. I am so thankful for that time last night. After our prayer time was over I felt the joy return to my heart. "Joy is a promise from the Lord and it is obtainable - we just need to seek Him first." In order to seek God first, we need to take our eyes off ourself! Coming before God in prayer is an excellent way of doing this.

I am thankful for fellow Christians who share a passion for praying. I am thankful I shifted my focus off my own woes to consider other people and how they are hurting. I am thankful that I can have joy even when I don't feel happy. I am thankful for a God who never changes, who is always waiting for us to come before Him, who wants to bless us in ways we never imagined (big or small).

Joy???

I don't have joy in my life right now.

That is the conclusion I came to today. Jeremy and I are in the midst of some potentially major changes in our church. The processing within the leadership has been going on for close to four months now. We are tired of the processing, yet at the same time know that it is a very important step in the decision making.

Because I am on our church board, I have had a number of extra meetings to attend over the past few months. Each of these meetings brings with it a big weight of consideration, prayer, seeking God and discernement. That can get tiring after awhile!

Today as I sat down to do my devotions, I opened up a book I started reading awhile back, "Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ" by John Piper. I picked up where I had left off and wouldn't you know it, the chapter is called "The Indestructible Joy"! How fitting! To be honest though, when I started reading the chapter, I had to re-read several sections over and over again because my mind just wasn't connecting - until I got to a verse that Piper quoted:

John 15:11
"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete."

Suddenly, my wandering thoughts came to a hault. "Joy. I don't have joy in my life right now." I am almost at the point where I just don't care anymore. I know that apathy is NOT from God, so that means it's from Satan. Suddenly I am wanting to run as far away from apathy as fast as I can.

How can a person have joy in the midst of struggles?

Philippians 4:4
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!"

Philippians 3:13b,14
"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6,7
"Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I am seeking God for His joy.

The Messy Garage

I read a short devotional awhile back over at Faith Lifts (a group blog at 5 Minutes for Mom website). They have short devotionals that are often very impacting. This devotion was no exception. The devotional, written by Melissa, is called "The Messy Garage" (click on the highlited title to read the original post).

Melissa shared about the spiritual dry spell that she had been going through. Then she shares two things she has learned:

1. I experience times like this periodically in my walk with the Lord. They do not, however, define my walk with Him.


2. The more discouraged I allow myself to become, the longer I will stay in this state of distracted and dry prayer time.

I really like point number one; dry times happen but they do not define my walk with Him. Until last fall, I didn't believe that. I would think (or at least feel) that if I wasn't doing daily devotions then I must not be a "very good Christian". I would be overwhelmed with guilt which would shame me into not spending time with God. I figured, "How could I come to God when I have such a long list of things I need to ask forgiveness for. I have such a long list, I don't even know where to begin!..."

But somewhere along the way, I came to the realization that Satan was the one making me feel guilty, not Jesus; that God was waiting, aching for me to come to Him. God didn't expect me to come and ramble off my long list, He just wanted me to come! And when I did just come before him, hand my list over to Him and say, "I'm sorry! Please forgive me", then He took me from there. He forgave me for my long list of wrongdoings. And when there was something more specific that I needed forgiveness for, He showed me and we worked on it together.

"He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy." (Titus 3:5)

Since then, when I come to Jesus, I don't have guilt and shame; but rather an excitement of hearing from Him. I still have plenty of things to ask for forgiveness, but now I approach the throne of God with confidence! It's so exciting!

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)

I hope and pray that you also know that you can come to Jesus without guilt or shame. You can hand Him your list of things, ask for forgiveness and know that He will forgive you. He loves you SO much! Feel free to leave a comment sharing about where you are in your journey with Jesus!

Six-Word Memoir

I was tagged by Susan of Penless Writer so here goes!

The Rules:
1. Write your own Six-Word Memoir.

2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you want.

3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.

4. Tag at least five more blogs with links.

5. Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.

Here is Susan's Memoir: "She loved the word of God."

I enjoyed trying to come up with my six-word Memoir. I wanted it to represent where I'm at right now and for the future. This is what I came up with:

"A Woman Striving After God's Heart."

I tag the following ladies because I'd love to hear what their six-word memoir is:

Leanne of Impressions

Yvonne of Life as a Gronau

Kristen of Janzen/Larsen family

Karen of Karen's Ramblings

Telma of CanadaBrazil

...and anyone else who would like to participate!

Obedience Renews

Tonight at church (we rent from another church so we meet Saturday nights), our youth pastor gave the message. He spoke on II Peter 1:3-11. I had some of this passage already underlined in my Bible but not all of it. As our youth pastor was working through the passage, I couldn't believe that I didn't have the entire passage highlighted. It is so good!

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your caling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

God gives us "everything we need for life and godliness...". Our youth pastor created a picture for us. Imagine that you were planning a backpacking trip. Imagine that God gives you a backpack and tells you that everything you will need for your trip is in that backpack. You have a couple choices. You can ignore the backpack, not look inside or use what's been given to you; or you can accept it and use the necessary items for your trip.

"For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." Next our youth pastor explained that "'Everything is permissable' - but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible' - but not everything is constructive" (I Corinthians 10:23). There are a lot of things out there that are good and fun, but not everything is beneficial for us. Our youth pastor asked us the question: "What can you give up in order to "make every effort" to increase Christ-like qualities in your life?"

One of the examples he gave was that in order to prepare for his sermon this week he had to spend large amounts of time studying and researching. He admitted that in a normal week he spends quite a bit of time playing games on the computer. This past week, he had to be more disciplined and constructive with his time in order to prepare for the sermon. Most everyone has a busy life (work, school, caring for the home, sports...) but at some point we need to "make every effort" to increase Christ in our life. Perhaps something has "to give", be let go.

I got to thinking. I often spend large amounts of time on the computer reading and being encouraged by blogs. I feel like I've made some good blog friends over the past few months and, almost daily, have been encouraged by these women seeking to know God more and to bring Him glory in their everyday lives. Yet, while keeping up with my blog friends has been a source of encouragement to me, I feel God is nudging me (okay, poking me) to spend more time with Him than with my blog friends. I don't feel God is asking me to give up blogging all together, just to make Him my first priority.

Along that thought, a point that was made tonight really struck me: "What I don't choose to be deliberate with takes control in my life and leads to sin." If I don't take control of the time I spend blogging, it will end up becoming a source of sin in my life rather than a source of encouragement or an avenue for me to encourage others.

Our youth pastor finished off by challenging and encouraging us:
What needs to be added to your faith?
We can ask God, "What do You desire for there to be more of in my life?"

Obedience renews! I liked that point. Obedience renews. It's so true! There is such a sense of release and freedom when we know that we are obeying God.

These past couple weeks have been more of a slump for me, spiritually. The change in routine made it more difficult for me to do my devotions. While we were away, I did have opportunities to spend time with God but for whatever reason I chose to put it off. Something I'm still trying to work at.

Obedience renews! Time for some renewal, time for me to listen to God and to obey Him! How about you? "What can you give up in order to "make every effort" to increase Christ-like qualities in your life?"

Quenchable Thirst

I have recently been reminded of the Beatitudes in Matthew 5. It has been some time since I've read through them. My parents' church has been working through the beatitudes lately. For some reason the things my Mom has shared with me just haven't been connecting with me.

This past weekend, we had my parent's pastor stay the night at our place. It was a time of encouragement, challenging us and, as he always does with people, he pointed us closer to Jesus.

The beatitudes came up in our conversation. This time, one of them connected with me!

Matthew 5:6
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled."

That is what I have been experiencing lately. My emptiness, my thirst, my feeling like I might explode inside - it has been (and is continuing to be) filled.

I am really noticing too that a daily "refueling" is necessary. On the days when I don't read my Bible, journal, pray, when I don't spend time with God, I begin to feel empty again. A couple years ago, I would get to this point, feel incredible guilt about not connecting with God and would talk myself out of spending time with Him (my confession list will be too long, where would I start?...). Such lies! Satan is so subtle.

But no more! Somewhere in my heart the door has been closed on those lies. They aren't welcome anymore. I know that if I have a period of time in between dates with God, it's okay. He is waiting for me with open arms. And all those times before when I thought I couldn't go back to God, His open arms were waiting for me.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled." Oh that is such a wonderful promise, such comfort and encouragement to carry on!

Do You Know...?

It's 9:48pm. I've been up and down numerous times telling the kids to "go to sleep!".

I turned off a tired little girl's lamp...it was turned back on. Again and again.

I tucked a very tired boy into bed only to do it again and again.

Each time the consequence getting a little firmer.

He's hungry, but the kitchen is closed. "Have a drink of water from your cup", I tell him and go to tend to his sister, again.

Okay, maybe now I can continue relaxing.

I hear tears from both bedrooms. Great! Both of them are crying and I'm "on duty" by myself (Daddy is out with a good pastor-friend from out of town). Practically, I choose to care for the older one first - he has a full day of school in the morning and doesn't have all his energy back from being sick.

I go to see what's wrong. He confesses between sobs that he got out of bed to get his cup (from the other side of his dresser). I assure him that it's okay because I told him to get a drink and he got right back into bed after getting his cup. More sobs! I comfort him. I realize his cup is empty and ask him if he would like me to fill it up for him. He nods and manages to choke out, "I thought you were going to be mad at me!" Oh my! My whole demeaner softens even more. "Sweetie, I'm sorry that you thought I'd get mad at you for getting out of bed to get your cup. Please forgive me?" He nods "yes" between the sniffles. My son can be so quick to forgive. I fill up his cup, give it to him saying, "I love you! Have your drink then it's time for sleep, okay?" As he drinks the cold water he gives me a "thumbs-up"! What a sweetheart! I then wait for him to lie down so I can stroke his face. His eyes fight sleep. After a few moments, he surrenders to a peaceful sleep.

Off to tend to my daughter who is still crying (actually now she's upgraded to screaming). I sit on her bed, briefly discuss her consequences, give her a "Hello Kitty" kleenex (a little treat from today's outing) and encourage her to lie down. She has downgraded to sniffles. "Mommy, will you snuggle with me?" "Yes dear. You know Mommy loves you, right? Even when you don't obey? Even when you don't obey again and again?" "Yes." "Good girl!" Whispered, "I love you, sweetie." After a few moments, she surrenders to a peaceful sleep.




I head straight to the computer to blog about this! Why waste a good opportunity to blog?!

As I was working at calming my children down, hearing about how my son feared that I would be angry with him for getting out of bed and knowing that my daughter knows that I love her even when she disobeys, over and over again,...my thoughts went to God. They don't always in these situations, but this time they did.

How many times do we (okay, I'll personalize it - I) disobey God? Do I know that He still loves me and forgives me? I do, that's why I can go to Him, still sobbing and sniffling, ask Him to snuggle with me and feel His strong, gentle arms stroking my face. With each stroke, my pain and anguish is washed away only to be replaced with peace. Then I can be at rest.

This imagery is very timely. These past few weeks have been difficult for myself and Jeremy. There has been a lot of happenings in our church. Each very difficult. Just when we felt like things were beginning to settle, something else would come up.

This past week has been especially difficult, but in a different way. It has been a long time since I have felt unsure of who to turn to for help. It seems we find ourselves in the middle of a conflict but we don't know exactly who we are at conflict with. My natural tendancy is to talk to a friend when I need encouragement. This week it feels that the only one I feel safe to go to is God. Which in reality, that's who we're supposed to go to in the first place!

"Leanne, you know that I love you?"
"Yes, God, I do."
"Leanne, you know that I forgive you?"
"Yes, Jesus, I do."
"Leanne, you know that you can rest in my arms?"
"Yes, Comforter, I do."

Matthew 11:28

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

One Step at a Time

Where do I start?!

I have so much to write about. I think I'll have to share it in more than one post. This past week has been a very difficult one. I will post about that another time (maybe tomorrow). For right now, I want to share about my weekend (Friday night till Saturday afternoon).

Over the past few months I have been hearing about a lady named Beth Moore with Living Proof Ministries. I didn't know anything about her but I was reading about her on different blogs - "I've just come from my Beth Moore bible study", Beth Moore this and Beth Moore that. When I saw an announcement in our church bulletin saying that this Beth Moore lady was coming to Vancouver for a conference, I thought I'd do a little Google search on her. It was then that I learned that she has an international ministry. She began by creating bible studies for her church and it has spread from there.

Deep inside me something stirred. I just knew that I should go to this conference. I don't usually make spontaneous decisions like that. I didn't really know all that much about this lady. I didn't even know if she was "out there" in her beliefs or if she really was spiritually on track.

I chose to listen to that stirring in me, sent out an e-mail to the other ladies in our church and waited to see if anyone else wanted to go. I didn't really want to go by myself, besides the more ladies that came, the cheaper the hotel cost would be! I'm all for trying to cut costs.

Two other ladies responded so we registered for the conference and booked our hotel. I still wasn't sure if I would have to spend my time at the conference trying to decipher truth from lies, but at the same time I was at peace with going.

Christy & Luciana

From the moment the 2008 Living Proof Live conference started, I was completely at peace. I was able to immediately enter into worship with the worship team. The entire conference was absolutely amazing, focused on Christ - not Beth and the worship team. From the very beginning of the conference, and throughout it, Beth and the worship leader, Travis Cottrell , said that they are hear to serve us. They were not doing these conferences for their glory, rather for God to receive the glory. This was demonstrated over and over again. The strongest way this was portrayed was at the very end of the conference. Beth had finished speaking and the worship team began leading us in some final songs. They began the last song. They began with full instruments, then stopped playing them so we were all singing a cappela. The lights faded, the worship team stopped singing so it was just us women singing praises to God and then quietly, the worship team left the stage. No big hype about praising them for the amazing job they did, no seeking glory for themselves. Just leaving us women to worship God. I was so impressed by that.

Before each conference, Beth prays and asks God what He would like her to share with the ladies in that particular city. Rather than having a polished presentation that she repeats at every city, she speaks specifically what God impresses on her heart. For this past weekend, Beth spoke on Hebrews 4:12-16,

12) "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing sould and spirit, joint and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (13) Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sigh. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. (14) Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. (15) For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. (16)Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

I've read these verses before - they are highlighted and underlined in my bible. But having Beth take us through and dig deeper into the meaning of each verse...it is so different from just reading it. She also had us memorize verse 12. Memorizing scripture is so important. Much of what Beth said I already knew, but hearing it in different ways, hearing it again gives more impact to the verses. I have nine pages of notes in my journal!

The biggest impact for me this weekend was the absolute, all-consuming urge to study the bible more. I know that the Word of God is powerful, sharper than any double-edged sword. I have had an inner yearning for the past number of months to dig deeper in to the bible, but this weekend, having Beth lead us through these verses has strengthened my desire to learn more. It is so exciting to read the bible and see how it can change a person's life. The words in the bible aren't just words on paper, they are living and active. They can heal a person's hurt, they can encourage and uplift, they can bring a person to their knees in repentance. I want to share the excitement of God's Word.

I don't know if this weekend was another step in God's preparation for leading me (and Jeremy) into further ministry or if it's just for the purpose of strengthening my personal relationship with Christ. Whatever the reason, I want to be available.

If you have never attended a Beth Moore conference before, even if you have, I highly recommend you attend one of her upcoming conferences. Check out her website for locations (the rest are in the USA). If you live in the vacinity, make it a priority to attend. You won't be disappointed. You will be challenged and refreshed!

This video is of the conference this past weekend - actual footage! Many thanks to Travis Cottrell for putting the Html code on his blog!

My heart is heavy today

I'm seeking God for encouragement

Medley

(Give/Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus/With Or Without You/Your Love Oh Lord)

by Third Day

You said all that follow You may find

Comfort and pain, blessings in hard times

Were I to leave, where else would I go?

The words of life and of truth you hold

All I want is love

I confess to this

I will take it, Lord

All You have to give

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

And the things of Earth

Will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace

And you give yourself away

And you give yourself away

And you give

And you give

And you give yourself away

All I want is love

And I confess to this

I will take it, Lord

All You have to give

All You have to give

All You have

All You have to give

Your love, oh Lord

Reaches to the heavens

Your faithfulness stretches to the sky

And Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains

Your justice flows like the ocean's tides

And I will lift my voice

To worship You, my King

I will find my strength

In the shadow of Your wings

Your love, oh Lord

Reaches to the heavens

Your faithfulness stretches to the sky

"Do not be anxious about anything,

but in everything, by prayer and petition,

with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace of God,

which transcends all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"

Philippians 4:6,7

"In repentance and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength."

Isaiah 30:15

Thank you for your encouragement today, Jesus!