I really want to do this venture. Jeremy has concerns but is willing for me to give it a trial run to see how things go. Everything has been falling into place. I even filled out an Application/Agreement form.
I hadn't faxed it in yet to make it official. Somewhere in my heart, quite near the surface to be exact, was this uneasiness. I had asked God what He thought about me taking on this new venture but quickly ended my prayer, not really waiting for an answer. Because I am so excited about this I was scared that God would say "NO". Of course, in not waiting for His answer I also missed out on hearing if His answer was "YES". To me, on paper this looked like a no-brainer, but I knew I still didn't have an answer from God. And one of the things I've learned these past several months is that just because something looks good on paper doesn't mean it's the best thing.
I was going to fax off my application a couple of days ago, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Something else I've learned over these past several months is that the time I spend with God on a daily basis (at least I really try to make it daily) is very precious to me; the time I spend reading the Bible seems to be closely connected with whether my spirit is at peace or not.
Tuesday afternoon I saw my Bible sitting next to our laptop. I knew I needed to spend time reading God's words - even if it is just about the Israelites and how they have turned away from God yet again. Funny how this scenario is repeated over and over again, but I keep learning from them! So, I took a lawn chair, my Bible and journal out to the back yard (in the shade - the shade is my friend) and sat down to see what God had to say to me.
I must pause here for a moment and say how thankful I am that during the time I was reading my Bible the kids were quite well-behaved. I still had to get up to take care of things here and there (and was slightly distracted by a mom desperately trying to raise her child - see Tuesday's post), but overall, my kids weren't squabbling or misbehaving! That in itself is a small miracle!
Anyways, I continued reading where I had left off - Amos 5 (click here to read the chapter). At times I quite enjoy reading the books from the Old Testament, but sometimes I just want to quit and move onto the New Testament. But for the time being, I am sticking with the Israelites. I started reading chapter 5 and came across this verse, "This is what the LORD says to the house of Israel: 'Seek me and live;...'" (verse 4). That seemed to speak to me. Here I am wondering if I should start this new financial endeavor and the words that speak to me are "Seek me and live". Hmmm. What does this mean in my situation? Is God trying to tell me something through this?
Then I read verses 21 - 23:
"I hate, I despise your religious feasts; I cannot stand your assemblies. Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them. Though you bring choice fellowship offerings, I will have no regard for them. Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps."
Now I don't claim in any way to know deep theological truths, especially from the Old Testament. The things that stood out to me may be completely out of context, so I can only hope that I am not misguiding anyone with what I learned the other day. When I read Amos 5:21-23, those verses made me stop and think. God is speaking to the Israelites. They have been making sacrifices to Him along with all the pagan rituals they have adopted. God is saying to His chosen people that He cares more about their heart attitude than He does about their religious rituals. The Isrealites were offering sacrifices to Him, as He had taught them so many years before, but they meant nothing to God because of their heart. They weren't focused solely on Him, forsaking all the other religions, worshiping only the one true God; they were doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that. God hates this kind of behavior. God really is a jealous God. He created us to worship HIM, not other things or people.
The rest of chapter 5 (verses 25-27) is God reminding the Israelites about the 40 years they spent wandering in the desert and how they brought sacrifices and offerings to Him but they also worshiped other idols made by their own hands, therefore not honoring the LORD.
My heart was beginning to feel more at peace about this endeavor but I wanted to take some more time to hear from God. So yesterday I read chapter 6 (click here to read the chapter). The chapter starts out very strong: "Woe to you who are complacent in Zion, and to you who feel secure on Mount Samaria, you notable men of the foremost nation, to whom the people of Israel come!" That's pretty strong!
I realize this post is getting lengthy so I'll summarize the rest of what I learned yesterday morning. God lists the disobedient things the Israelites are doing (v. 3-6) and tells them what will happen to them (v. 7). The rest of the chapter the LORD says that they are rejoicing over nothing; they had empty praises. Also, the Israelites were praising themselves for defeating a strong city, but in reality, whenever they defeated an enemy, it was God that made it possible (v. 12,13).
So what did I learn from all this? Check back tomorrow to find out!
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