Trust and Wait

In October, I went to our church's Ladies' Retreat. The retreat is has always been in October (at least since I've been going). I like having it in the fall; the relaxing summer days are tucked away in our memories, the crazy back-to-school days are settled and one is able to look beyond the non-stop To Do list and take inventory of where things are at. I often find myself evaluating where I am at spiritually, and just in time for Ladies' Retreat! Typically I have let my relationship with Christ take the back burner.

At the October 2006 retreat the speaker, Catherine Dagneau, likened our relationship with Christ to a marriage relationship. She asked how we would feel about our marriage relationship if we only spent a few minutes each week (or even less) talking to our spouse; or how connected would we be with our spouse if we only "schpealed" off about what the kids did today, or about the errands that need to be done, or if we did all the talking but didn't stick around to hear what our spouse was thinking and feeling? We wouldn't feel connected for very long, would we. The intimacy would dwindle, the desire to just hang out together would lose its appeal. Catherine compared that to our relationship with Christ. If we just rattle off our To Do list (God, please do this & please do that) and we don't spend quality time with Him, talking to Him & listening to Him, then we will quickly feel disconnected. It doesn't mean He's left us, it just means that other things have taken priority over His space in our life.

This fall I found myself in that place - that I had been having a one-way friendship with Christ and that I was feeling disconnected from Him. I always feel lonley, down, have a lower self-esteem and my relationship with Jeremy suffers when I haven't made Christ a priority in my life. As the retreat weekend progressed, I found myself missing my intimate relationship with Christ. I realized some things that were possibly holding me back and made a decision that this year would be a time of making my relationship with Christ a priority. Since then I meet regularily with a friend for accountability. We have focused on honoring our husbands (perhaps that will be a later post) as well as other areas we feel God is leading us.

All of this leads me to my reason for posting today! I know, that was quite the preamble, but I felt a bit of background was necessary. When I began doing my devotions (reading my bible, praying & journalling) I found myself drawn to Isaiah. Funny thing: while at Columbia Bible College I took a required course on Isaiah and failed it! Now, here I am reading through the book and quite enjoying it! Anyway, today I was reading Isaiah 30. Much of the chapter gave me reason to journal. The following is an excerpt from my journal today:

"I've been asking for and wanting to have a closer relationship with Christ. I'm beginning to realize that in order for that to happen I need to be willing and prepared to hear of the areas in my life that need to change or improve. I've been holding back, not wanting to completely give God control of my life.

Q: Which is more important - security (with family, health, finances...) or that Christ has complete control of my heart and life?

A: I know the latter option is the right answer but fear holds me back (what if something terrible happens...?). Part of Isaiah 30:15 says, "...In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength..."

So, in order for me to have a deeper, closer relationship with Christ, I need to repent (ask God to show me what needs to be repented), to be quiet, listen and TRUST!

I hesitated writing this blog post but felt it was something I had to do. Another verse in Isaiah 30 spoke to me as well. Verse 18 says, "Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you comapssion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" I felt that this verse was encouraging me to step forward in my relationship with Christ. I love that He longs to be gracious to me and that He rises to show me compassion. Somehow it helped to calm my fear of the "what if's". TRUST! "Blessed are all who wait for him!" I am waiting for Him; waiting to find out what is around the next corner - cleaning up the rooms in my heart, learning more about Him, being used by Him.... TRUST and WAIT!